everybody's a critic

so what

2007-05-02T20:53:00.000-05:00

so a friend of mine just made a blog.. and has renewed my interest in blogging. i think it might be better than facebook in a way. i really wish i had kept up with this over the course of the year - my first year in grad school pretty much done with! whoop! the picture is of me at ring dance last weekend.

2007-01-21T15:16:00.000-06:00

sometimes it is still very apparent that i have trouble stepping out of my past and how that has affected me. i lost erik's wallet yesterday and found it just an hour ago. i don't know how big of a deal it was to him - he probably doesn't care that much now that i found it. but i got so distraught from losing it and knowing that it was my fault it was lost. i can't help it. i have trained myself to feel completely horrible for things like that. how do i get rid of it? how do i learn the correct balance of letting the other person know that you're sorry and not stepping over that edge? damnit it is so frustrating the way this fucking person is still affecting me.

2006-12-17T15:56:00.000-06:00

never make someone a priority in your life if you are only an option in there's.

2006-11-21T10:13:00.000-06:00

sooo.. i just talked to my mom about the boyfriend she's had since about september. apparently it's pretty serious. and weird. especially for me and my brother.

post secret

2006-10-29T20:23:00.000-06:00

still working on this one.

2006-10-25T15:04:00.000-05:00

it's amazing how someone's face who was once so familiar is now not quite at all...

time.

ariana

2006-10-25T10:27:00.000-05:00

i have to say i am currently in love.

wednesday mornings i go to carver elementary school and read to this four-year-old, Ariana. for my first visit, which was last week, i took her a card that said how excited i was to read to her and hopefully become friends. i didn't really think she got the whole concept of getting a card and what it meant which is kind of why i did it in the first place - i wanted to expose her to things older people do. anyways, so i went back this wednesday for my second time and read to her. when i left she was running out the door to go play outside and i told her i would see her next week. before she made it out the door she turned around and said, "i put the card in my room!" i didn't even register what she meant by that until i had turned around and started walking out of the school. she like my card and kept it! i am so excited about spending time with this little girl...

2006-10-22T07:39:00.000-05:00

i completely forgot to give the results of my first real jog on pavement.
i lasted about ten minutes before i had to stop. pavement is way harder to run on than the eliptical. i think it is also because the eliptical helps you out a little bit and retains momentum better. anyway, i am very sore.. in places that had never been sore before when running. it's a great feeling and i'm excited and hopeful that i'll continue enjoying running outdoors.

thefacebook

2006-10-22T07:30:00.000-05:00

Group Info
Name:
Sabes Que Eres Latino Cuando...
Type:
n/a
Description:
1. If you have ever been hit by a chancleta.
2. If you grew up scared by something called "El Coco or El Cuco."
3. If others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just.....talking.
4. If you light a candle to virgin Mary before the Lotto drawing.
5. If you use your lips to point something out.
6. If you constantly refer to cereal as "conn fleys".
7. If your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner, even......if it's a one bed room apartment.
8. If you can dance merengue, cumbia or salsa without music.
9. If you use "manteca" instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger.
10. If you call your sneakers "tenis"
11. If you have at least, thirty cousins, not counting loco Pepe working at "Don Memo".
12. If you can't imagine anyone not liking Spicy food.
13. If you are in a 5-passenger car with 7 people in it and a person shouting: "muevanse, todavia caben mas".
14. If whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some "VIck Vaporub" all over your chest and inside your nostrils.
15. Your mom packs your "lonchera" everyday. You've just turned thirty-two.
16.If you call the North Americans "gringos", including Canadians, and all Asian people (Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Thai's, etc.) "chinos".
17. If you just don't get tired of the so called "sopitas"(soup).
18. If you don't think Jennifer Lopez is hot, 'she is just another bitch with luck".

2006-10-21T08:51:00.000-05:00

so, after weeks of training i have decided to document my move from the elipitcal machine to real pavement. i can stand about 20 minutes at a moderate pace on the machine; we shall see how long i last on the ground. wish me luck.

don't wear your heart on your sleeve

2006-10-18T21:07:00.000-05:00

someone told me today that it isn't a good idea to "wear your heart on your sleeve," and i would like to disagree. i didn't really understand the saying, but googled it and came up with this general conclusion: i means that one is expressive of his feelings, thoughts, ideas, points of view, etc. i agree that wearing your heart on your sleeve makes you vulnerable to others. but, i think much miscommunication (which happens to cause most relationship problems) could be avoided if more people expressed their true feelings about a situation. how can you make an informed decision and take action if you don't really know what is going on? why live in doubt? of course, there are situations where it is not wise to tell someone how you really feel, or at least to be careful about it... like if you're going to hurt someone's feelings, or being interested in someone who is not available.. i guess the general rule would be that it is not wise to be expressive if nothing good can come out of it. but, if the truth would allow everyone to be more productive then i would say yeah... go ahead and do it.

why?

2006-10-03T10:10:00.000-05:00

why?

opinionation

2006-10-02T10:25:00.000-05:00

i am quite interested with how my thoughts and beliefs are starting to solidify here in grad school. it's not that i have never done this much reading, because even though i actually haven't, i have done a sufficient amount in undergrad. i don't know what it is actually... maybe interactions with such interesting people.. but i am starting to notice that my beliefs (about the proper role of government to be specific) are not changing like they used to. when i used to read articles, i could easily conform to what the author was saying.. just kind of go along, and not really have an opinion as to whether i "bought the argument" or not. the point was just to study the article. now, however, i find that i definately have a point of view on whether the author's argument is valid or not. it's actually kind of nice to feel this way because i have felt so wishy washy before... everyone else around me had strong opinions on issues that i really didn't care about to tell you the truth. i am now opinionated! haha ok so i actually have always been opinionated, but now am opinionated about government. yaaay

bad dreams

2006-09-25T07:47:00.000-05:00

This is the third or fourth time that i have had a dream about being raped in the past few weeks. They are scary and i don't know what they mean. i usually only have nightmares when i am stressed so i don't know what i could be stressed about to make me have these dreams. plus i end up waking up sweaty and i hate that.

2006-09-10T19:04:00.000-05:00

i had such a good weekend. on thurs all of us first years went to the fox and hound and were just chillin and enjoying 2 dollar pints. later, carlie, erik, barrett, luis, jessica, and i went salsa dancing! we met up with nirma and danced for a couple of hours. it was great to meet some ppl who love to dance like i do.

i've learned this fact over and over again: a lot of how your day goes depends on thing external to yourself and your mood. sometimes it is just the people you choose to hang out with and whether they are easy going or uptight. pretty much everyone from the bush school is laid back and fun.

saw xmen tres on friday - which i loved! had a fta midnight yell in the rain!! haha and then went to whataburger for some late night food. saturday was game day - tailgated with erik and more bs ppl, sat 50 yd line, 2nd deck, 6th row for the game! whoop! then went to buffalo wild wings to watch the rest of the texas - osu game. the weekends are fun, but they are almost as tiring as the work week.. i am just exhausted right now. sorry this is kind of a dumb post but i just wanted to record this weekend.. i had fun!

2006-09-06T22:24:00.000-05:00

i wish i was drunk right now
so my heart wouldn't hurt

i think that's why i drank so much in high school
and i think my reaction to those memories is just not to drink as much now

why do things remind me of you?
you're supposed to be gone.

2006-09-05T13:17:00.000-05:00

i love my new apt.

i love living on my own.

i love cooking meals, even if it only means boiling water and adding what's in the package. baby steps.

i had a nightmare last night that i was being raped. wtf is that?

Happy Birthday, Brandie!

so

2006-08-26T11:35:00.000-05:00

so.. after a month of going back and forth, literally like back and forth each day, i am now officially and finally single. it's going to be such a weird time for me cause as most of you know, I haven't really been single since before senior year of high school! haha and now i'm in grad school. i have no experience in dating, just serious relationships. soooo, it'll probably be really sucky until i get the hang of all this alone time, and having to call ppl to hang out instead of just having that guy that you know will wanna hang out with you. and i'll have to get all dressed up for class not because i like to (which i do) but cause now i'm "on the market"... wtf is that? haha. i sound like a piece of meat. and i know that my reaction to things that are difficult is just to not participate. like i can totally see myself just hanging out at my apt and catching up on class and having the best grades cause i'm too scared to put myself out there and have fun with new ppl i don't necessarily know. *sigh...

i'm glad there seems to be some finality to this situation tho. and jon and i are still friends; i mean we have 5 more episodes of grey's anatomy to get thru!

dreams.. that's all they are

2006-08-20T00:27:00.000-05:00

sometimes i wish i didn't have the desire to change the world. i mean, i'm only a female. why do parents put this desire into us when it's really not plausible. at least if you want to get married. i mean, i really feel like i could do something great.. but that would mean having to be alone. cause what guy could just follow you around and go wherever your job took you?

one of my old pastors left us a couple of years ago, citing his wife's work as his reason for leaving. "she had always followed me in years before, so now it's my turn to follow her.." is basically what he said. he was a chaplain for the army, so that's why they moved around a lot earlier. but you know what? they were like 60 years old when he finally said that. woohoo! that's just great. being 60 and finally your career gets to take off because your husband is going where your work takes you. what the hell can you do with your life if your starting at 60? i mean i understand 60 year olds can do a lot, but usually it's because they have been working at it for 40 years in their field. but if you are barely starting out at 60? my goodness... i just don't think i could give up 40 years of my life.. all these dreams i've had as a kid and especially now that i'm going into grad school.. give them all up. and at the same time i've had dreams of being happily married with kids.

why do they even give you the possibility of both dreams in the first place? when all that's gonna happen is that you're going to be unhappy.. cause one or the other can't be realized.

which one do i pick?

which one can i give up?

ring day

2006-08-15T10:43:00.000-05:00

ring day is coming soon! everyone is welcome to come and celebrate with me.. more info soon.

2006-08-09T22:52:00.000-05:00

i am hurt. and i still think boys are pinche.

2006-08-08T18:46:00.000-05:00

visit: addictedtosalsa.com

woowoo~!

country music

2006-08-08T12:25:00.000-05:00

man, i've missed country music.. and this song is just beautiful. you gotta listen to josh turner sing it.

Would You Go With Me?

Would you go with me if we rolled down streets of fire
Would you hold on to me tighter as the summer sun got higher
If we roll from town to town and never shut it down

Would you go with me if we were lost in fields of clover
Would we walk even closer until the trip was over
And would it be okay if I didn't know the way

If I gave you my hand would you take it
And make me the happiest man in the world
If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, girl
Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea
Let me know if you're really a dream
I love you so, so would you go with me

Would you go with me if we rode the clouds together
Could you not look down forever
If you were lighter than a feather
Oh, and if I set you free, would you go with me

If I gave you my hand would you take it
And make me the happiest man in the world
If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, girl
Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea
Help me tie up the ends of a dream
I gotta know, would you go with me
I love you so, so would you go with me

2006-08-07T18:19:00.000-05:00

from dalia: "sometimes when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated."

ahhhh

2006-08-03T20:33:00.000-05:00

my goodness today was stressful!

i am still being billed for student housing when i no longer live on campus
i don't think i'm being billed correctly for by classes
i still need to buy a laptop and software that needs to be at my apt by the 22nd
i still have work every day
i am flying to dallas tomorrow for the weekend
i am in the process of buying a bed and room stuff - which needs to be shipped up there somehow
i need to buy text books

ahh i'm sure there's more but i can't think anymore!!! i am going to eat dinner and then relax. then get up and do it all over again tomorrow. yesssss! my favorite!

globe trotter

2006-08-02T18:28:00.000-05:00

i don't remember whether i've posted this on here or not, but i have a blog of my travels this summer: visit vicchicglobetrotter.blogspot.com or click on the link from my profile.

i need a euro patch

2006-07-03T17:41:00.000-05:00

i am totally in european withdrawal. i miss the clothes, the prices, the food, and friends! i totally regret not buying more stuff! haha.. when i unpacked all of my souvenirs it just didn't seem enough to last me until i went back to europe again. and when will that be? ahhhh...

luckily this was an A&M trip so i can still catch up with these girls whenever i get back to cs, whenever that will be. now, i just focus on trying to get all my souvenirs mailed to their persons, and then trying to convince my dad to let me move into this apt with some friends. i am so bored! and i am not just sitting around doing nothing. i exercise, read novels, magazines, news, and trash tv too.. haha who can pass up anything on E! ?

well, the excitement tonight lies in my mother teaching me how to make her delicious margaritas ... and then drinking them!

2006-06-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

well my trip in poland is finally rounding itself up. i have one more exam this friday and then i'm leaving tuesday for Spain. once i get this horrible train situation figured out i will be more excited about going to spain. blahhh..

i was going to write more.. but i'm tired. frustrated. i just wanna go home! not like in a bad way like i hate poland.. but just that i'm tired of being "on" all the time. when you're in a foriegn place, your brain always is in overtime processing information, language, images, faces, places.. everything you experience is new. it gets really tiring after a while. but i do love it here, and this last week will be great. see yall soon!

2006-06-05T16:20:00.000-05:00

check out: http://freewebs.com/nirma for some pictures of me on the trip so far... sorry about not posting.. i will once i get back to the states and have free internet!

2006-05-21T12:43:00.000-05:00

hello, hello! it has almost been a week here in Krakow. this city is so beautiful. one of these days i will put up some of the hundreds of pictures i have of this place. zeszerdaz.. ok i seem to have messed up the fonts on the computer.. i get ząs instead of whatz i reallz mean to tzpe. ok i will trz again later. ŁP

2006-05-17T16:56:00.000-05:00

btw, yall need to add seven hours to the post time to know when i am actually writing this. it is 1140pm right now. classes start tomorrow, and i am trying to get a start on the reading because i know it is going to go by fast. after i left the internet cafe earlier we all split up and went different ways. we figured out that miming words works out ok, you can still git your information across. like when we were looking for a grocery store i pointed to the pretzel in my hand and said food. at first the giy was like "restaurant"? but then he said "supermarket" and we finally found one. i will tell the story of the pub later. i have one minute left on the internet card.

dzien dobry

2006-05-17T07:18:00.000-05:00

good day from Poland! my luggage came in this morning even though we got in last night. it did not make the plane from coppenhagen to warsaw.. but everything is alright now! i will keep this short for now. hopefully i will find a way to update and post pictures here at the internet cafe. talk to yall soon!

ps the food is amazing!!!!!

hair - a girl topic

2006-05-07T18:18:00.000-05:00

i've come across the idea of getting a body wave in my hair if i end up growing my hair out.. see the problem is that my hair is too fine and thin. i need waves! wouldn't that be cool? i don't know anyone who has had a successful one tho so i am a bit weary of trying it out. anybody?

eh

2006-05-07T08:21:00.000-05:00

i woke up at 7:15am this morning by myself. i have been looking at blogs since then trying to calm myself down a bit (jon i read yours all the way back to 2002! :D). see, i have this problem called extreme anxiety. i think i was anxious this morning about my two exams tomorrow. i am getting anxious right now just thinking about them. i hate this feeling; i just want them to be over with.

the thing i can't get my body to understand is that i just need to pass my classes.

i tried to go to bed last night early because i was not feeling well. i am still not too good. we'll see how this day goes.

on the bright side, karoly is letting me use her storage unit this summer... which is amazing because i don't know how i would have fit all the stuff in my room in my car. it just wouldn't have happened.

i am worried that my view on relationships is that i need someone to constantly save me. i guess more on that later. i am all of a sudden not wanting to talk.

2006-05-03T18:01:00.000-05:00

sebastian died today. :( we think it is because i changed too much of the water at one time. and i was just telling jon yesterday that i had never really experienced a pet's death.

sad day.

immigrants protest = no school today!

2006-05-01T09:27:00.000-05:00

immigrants across the country are mimmicing the movie that came out a few years ago "A day without a Mexican." although that movie was funny, don't think this is a laughing matter.. or that it is just a couple of people skipping school.

apparently tyson, the nation's largets chicken producer, is shutting down fifteen plants today.

many people are not going to work, or refraining from participating in the economy today to show how much immigrants affect America.

everyone of us is an immigrant, whether legally or illegally.

although i don't really know how i feel about all the legislation being passed around, mostly because i don't know exactly what it says, i do think it is a good idea for immigrants just to be recognized for all that they contribute to the USA.

lameness

2006-04-29T00:48:00.000-05:00

i wish ppl weren't so lame. i feel like i have to beg for some ppl to go out and have fun. it's like they don't want to do anything "out of the box." let's just go out to eat or watch a movie at home or something boring. i mean, it's ok sometimes.. but when you've had a crazy week, the last thing you want to do is be bored.

i still haven't gone pond-hopping yet.
still haven't gone salsa dancing yet.
no parties this year.

and then i'm super excited about staying in the dorms next year. woohoo! no parties, and amanda and michelle aren't even gonna be here in the spring.. so i'll be all by myself for a whole semester. yessss... i am totally waiting for that day to come.
i hope you found the sarcasm in that.
in other words, i could never find a roommate to live with, cause i did make it known i wanted to move off campus.

i'm thinking the common denominator in all this is me.

i'm the lame one.

and that sucks.

some post i've been tossing around for a while

2006-04-26T01:50:00.000-05:00

i've been thinking about this post for a couple of months.. but don't expect it to be all snazzy now.

when i was with he who will not be named, i was a different person. i wasn't allowed to talk to guys in my classes, and with the exception of maybe two guys i didn't. i couldn't even hang out with certain girlfriends. and now that i am not with he who will not be named.. these people (most) i used to shun still act the same towards me..

i want to yell out to them: come talk to me! smile! i can talk to you now!.. but i realize that they think that the person i was then is who i really was.. who i am now. and it sucks. because it doesn't matter the circumstances, your actions still matter. and that's fair, because i really did isolate myself from people. it just sucks because sometimes i really wanted to do the opposite.

i mean i can see it in their eyes when they look at me.. they are seeing the same person. i am totally different now. or at least that's how i feel inside.

boot dance... or not

2006-04-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

i just realized that i have no junior, male friends... which means i have no one to go to boot dance with. unless jon wants to go, but i doubt that. actually i dunno, and i haven't brought it up. am kinda bummed cause these past two years i've missed out on a lot because my ex didn't like to go to campus events.. or even off campus events.. so i really wanna go do stuff like this. :(

we'll see what happens. btw, if you have any respectable junior, male friends who need a date for boot dance lemme know.. i'll check em out on facebook before i decide. haha!

2006-04-23T23:10:00.000-05:00

check out davisgaryhall.blogspot.com, the new weblog for my hall. whoop!

collecting addresses

2006-04-23T12:09:00.000-05:00

hey yall! i am collecting addresses for my trip to poland. if you would like a postcard from there, just msg me your address at vicchic07@gmail.com and i promise you'll get one!

the invisible children

2006-04-21T09:48:00.000-05:00

if you had known about the holocaust would you have done something about it? if you had known about rwanda and still had time to say something would you? i hope you would have.

i hope i would have too.

on april 29th a couple hundred aggies are going to spend the night on simpson drill field, and a tens of thousands of people around the world are going to go spend the night in the streets of their downtowns. this will be to symbolize what rural ugandan children have to do every night to escape terrorists and people who will abduct them to fight on the front lines.

this is a chance to do something before these horrific events hits the history books. raise awareness. do something good.

visit invisiblechildren.com to sign up.

amusing..

2006-04-20T11:57:00.000-05:00

Let's have a revolution! Does July 14 work for you?
Leave your cellphone, bring some fruit, and protest -- with kindness -- what has happened to our country.
by Anne Lamott

I'm drawn to almost any piece of writing with the words "divine love" and "impeachment" in the first sentence. But I know the word "divine" makes many progressive people run screaming for their cute little lives, and so one hesitates to use it. Also, we all know that there isn't going to be an impeachment any time soon.

However, maybe there is the chance of a calm, polite revolution, and perhaps in lieu of "divine love" we could use the idea of simple "kindness." Consider, just for the sake of argument, how good people, in a democracy that has been taken over by cold, rich, scary, armed white men, might proceed.

Good people who have watched their country's leaders skid so far to the triumphal right would have to do something. I mean, wouldn't they? Am I crazy? Otherwise, those people's children will ask them someday, when we are all living in caves, "What did you do to try and save us?" And the children will be so angry, and they are so awful and unpleasant when they are mad, even in the dark.

I, for one, do not want to answer that I did nothing, or that I ranted and flailed, showing up to support my own interest groups, candidates and concerns.

Instead, I think we should lay down our differences, and have a revolution. I am wondering if July 14 works for everyone.

My father wrote a great novel about an antiwar march in 1970, called "The Bastille Day Parade," in which many protesters carried signs that read, "Turn Off the Lie Machine." In choosing July 14, I would like to pay tribute to him and to the people of his generation, who are surely turning in their graves, as if on rotisseries, with horror about life in their beloved America. They were passionate in their fight against fascism, and Joseph McCarthy, their commitment to civil rights, and to libraries, and to good manners. All of us were raised to be polite, as honest as we could manage, and to live as if the word "fair" meant something, which all sounds a little Amish at this point. A renewal of these values would be the major plank of this revolution.

In this revolution, there will not be any positions except kindness, and libraries. We will not even have a battle cry, as that can lead to chanting, and haranguing: Hey, hey, ho, ho, all that chanting's got to go! We would simply look one another in the eyes, shake our heads, and say, "This just can't be right." We will not try to figure out what it all means: Iraq, Guantánamo, Abu Ghraib, Terri Schiavo, abortion rights, the Downing Street Memo, domestic spying, immigration, the Kyoto Accords, the Geneva Connections, Tom DeLay -- none of it. We all know what kindness means, and I think we can all agree that libraries are sacred, and our revolution will decree that we will fight tooth and nail for these things, politely.

Mostly we will show up and say things like, "Giving India massive nuclear assistance? I don't know -- that just can't be right." "Madge, maybe I'm nuts, but John Bolton, at the U.N.? Can that be right?"I am hoping for a large turnout even though so few people showed up to mark the third anniversary of the war in Iraq. This was dispiriting, but let's not dwell on it. That was then, almost two weeks ago. This is now. Nearly 50 million people voted for Kerry, and I'm hoping for somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 million (although I know the press will way underreport the turnout). We need precinct leaders to get the word out, although not the kind who go door-to-door while people are eating, then threaten sweetly to come back later. Bitter neighbors are the very last thing this revolution seeks.

We would all show up on Bastille Day, propelled by the ferocious, heartbroken belief we've carried since childhood, that America is a republic, of 50 states, united and humane.

It would be nice if everyone would turn off his or her cellphone that day.Also, I thought we could all wear green -- not because we have an environmental position we are pushing, but because trees, grasses and the natural world are just so incredibly beautiful and precious. Nature = life. Some will suspect that this is inching dangerously close to a "position," what with everyone in green, hundreds of shades of green -- and if I am being honest, it's true that the tiniest point might be made that a black-and-white worldview, a Manichaean good vs. evil color scheme, is wearing out its welcome.

Additionally, it would be great if everyone could bring a bit of fruit to share, and maybe a few dollars, in case one runs into someone desperately poor.

Bananas are great, as I believe them to be the only known cure for existential dread. Also, Mother Teresa said that in India, a woman dying in the street will share her banana with anyone who needs it, whereas in America, people amass and hoard as many bananas as they can to sell for an exorbitant profit. So half of them go bad, anyway.

Maybe, come to think of it, that wasn't Mother Teresa. Maybe that was Ram Dass, or my neighbor Irmgaard, but it doesn't matter. Trust me: Fruit is a nice touch. Apples, oranges, it doesn't matter, and it would not be mandatory that you bring any fruit at all.

All we would ask is that you show up and help us foment a revolution, based on kindness and that silly old idea our parents taught us, about fairness. Maybe we'd sing "My Country, 'Tis of Thee." No offense in that, really, is there?

But we won't sing that if it is going to stir up a lot of debate and screeds and distraction. I was just thinking that both of my parents died here, on this land that they loved. They were both born abroad. A lot of our parents have died, people who made sure their children read John Steinbeck, Rachel Carson and Langston Hughes. I would show up for my parents, by proxy.Never mind; we don't have to sing that song. Still, I cry when I hear it.

We will just all come together. Bastille Day. Ix-nay on the cellphones and the speeches. Like Woody Allen said once before I turned on him, 80 percent of life is just showing up. We will show up and foment a loving revolution, wearing green: I just looked up "foment," to make sure that this is what I meant. It comes from the Latin "fomentum," which means a warm poultice. One of the definitions is to apply a warm cloth, dipped in warm water or medication, to a body that needs healing; and that is exactly what I meant.

I'm thinking noon-ish.

immigration controversy

2006-04-19T13:14:00.000-05:00

so there's a boycott of some brand-name goods whose company is owned by the author of the infamous immigartion legistlation. it's okay tho, i like puff's kleenex tissues better anyways.

from norma's blog - but i took out the dumb qs

2006-04-18T15:17:00.000-05:00

1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh? *umm that's what me and jon do all the time.. so yeah

3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences?*i get disappointed when ppl don't like country

5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with an ex for financial reason? *never
6. Do you need to know everything about someone's past? *only the important stuff
7. Is it more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world? *improve the world.. never stop trying to make it better
8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life? *calling? no not really.. purpose, maybe. i make my own purpose.
9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a "higher level"? *um, no.
10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can't really talk to? *friend..
11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection? *prefection? this is a dumb question
12. Should a child who's caught masturbating be punished? *what do you mean by child? what do you mean by punishment?
13. Do you like kissing in public? *eh.. sometimes
14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship? *another dumb q
15. Did America really put a man on the moon? *yes, why do you think we didn't?
16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or under) younger? *no, men are already immature when they're your age
17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy? *relaxation
18. How do you handle criticism? *i like to think i take it well but i dunno, ask my critics
19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you? *what does purer refer to? wow.. i didn't realize there were so many dumb questions

21. Is it possible for Big Bellied Men to be equally attractive as Thin Men? *yeah, i'm attracted to the person..
23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer? *no not really, they'd prolly be too emotional to think justly
24. Would you have a "Happy Button" installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy? *yeah
25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised? *a mix of both? can you do that?
26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion? *of course, but then i usually feel guilty
27. What is sexiest on a woman or a man? *personalities, faces - eyes, smiles
28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life? *soul mate, my dream job is to be happy

30. Should your mate also become your best friend? *yes, that's the best way
31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced? *how bout someone i love :) <-- norma's answer, i liked it
32. How do you attract the opposite sex? *with my killer vocal skills. haha
33. Have you ever posed as a nude model? *um, no. i have respect for myself, my family, and my future family
34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things? *whoever wrote this needs an english class where they teach you to be clearer in your sentences..
35. Is it better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all? *love and losing teaches you many lessons for next time

i am thankful for

2006-04-16T19:00:00.000-05:00

cadbury creme eggs

hall mates

jonboy

three-day weekends

ozarka water

momma and daddy

the fact that the scc stays open 24hours/day

:P

my luck-filled life, which has allowed me to go to this great university, learn about service to the community, meet wonderful people i will remember for a long time to come, and go on study abroad trips to Poland! (only four weeks to go! whooooooop!)

2006-04-14T23:14:00.000-05:00

i think it's a good thing that i know going into this relationship that jon is going into the army.

i take special care with my memories of jon. i try to engrave moments with him in my memory cause.. well i'm a fatalist. i feel that with my luck, something is gonna happen to him when he fulfills his army contract. there's no way that something this good will last forever.

a friend of his, his age, will be brought back this next week and his funeral will be next saturday. so young!

when i was thinking about this post i had so much more to say.. but not so much right now.

2006-04-13T00:32:00.000-05:00

so, you know you live in a college town when mcdonald's is advertising live music on thursdays..

hall shirts

2006-04-12T14:54:00.000-05:00

all leftover hall shirts will be put up for resale starting this sunday. if you still want yours, i need a msg from you before then. that includes you, norma! i'm sick of having them collect dust in my room. :P

2006-04-07T08:44:00.000-05:00

i'm glad i did what i did, when i did it. still wish i did it earlier, but thankfully there was nothing like this. thanks to everyone who has/is helping me through this.

hope this is legible enough for yall:

So i can't get it to be really legible on here...

basically it starts out about the teen who Mexican authorities found in Reynosa on a random operation, but was wanted for the murder of his girlfriend here in the states. i was planning on making some random joke about the benefits of having dual citizenships and being able to live in the country where you didn't commit murder of your bf cause of all his "dirty mexican" jokes (haha j/k) because basically that's what this guy did.

but then i kept reading. apparently the girl had kept a diary of her bf's abuses, and her friends had been trying to get her to leave him for some time. they had been dating three years. they met in high school.

the article suddenly became very scary. the guy thought his gf cheated on him, got really violent, and strangled her to death. her body was found two days later behind her parents house in a shed.

again. thanks, to all of you, from me, forever.

interesting

2006-04-06T11:11:00.000-05:00

that's it. check out the article.

Interesting article

2006-04-03T08:26:00.000-05:00

Even though I agree that those people in this country should be here legally, one must realize that obviously this fact has not always been enforced. What are the motives/reasons to enforce it now? I mean, now that it is brought up there is only one right answer - make sure everyone here and working here is legal. But I wonder whether it was the right time within the context of Latin American relations to start this fight... yeah, cause it will be a fight. Most of LA already dislikes us - extremely. I think this may be Bush's attempt to regain support from the American middle and lower classes. It may certainly work, but at what cost? You have already been elected twice and are in the second half of your term. Why leave Inter American relations worse than when you found them for the next guy?

karoly

2006-04-01T09:31:00.000-06:00

to my karoly, for posting the one and only comment on my blog at the moment! I can always count on you! ..haha

Texas Monthly - Texans At War

2006-03-29T23:24:00.000-06:00

My mom lent me this month's texas monthly about Texans at war. it's sad and at the same time patriotic. there are blogs of texans in iraq, tons of pictures, and of course a yearbook style list of those who have died.

The most disturbing article I have read so far however, is about a James C. Coons. He was this amazing man that served the US for 17 years; all any person, civilian or military, had to say about him was something great. 30 days before he was scheduled to return home he started seeing this face of a "boy" as he calls him - actually a young soldier - who had died from a bomb blast. the face is deformed and he sees this face when he's trying to sleep and when he looks in the mirror. because of this, because of his body and mind reacting to the psychological effects of war, he was sent to several military hospitals in Germany and the US where all of the physicians and residents who examined him thought him to be relatively fine. He was not fine. His body was found on the day he was supposed to return home; he had already been dead for a few days and the only reason someone checked up on him was because of the smell.

"Between the beginning of the war and July 2005, 58 US soldiers committed suicide in Iraq; 29 more committed suicide after returning home." - Texas Monthly

Every agency which has evaluated military psychiatric health care has given them failing scores. WTF are we doing here? Is this really how we are to treat human beings, much less Americans, much less soldiers who are obviously risking their lives?

Are these to be the fates of our soldiers?

2006-03-29T00:53:00.000-06:00

I just bought all my tickets i needed to get to Poland and back for the study abroad this summer. Whoop!

*sigh

2006-03-27T20:20:00.000-06:00

i am feeling so overwhelmed right now. i hate having stuff up in the air for this study abroad trip i am planning. the options are endless as to what i can do and i'm trying to coordinate stuff by email or phone and it's just taking so loooong. i'm getting anxious.. and the prices for the flights just keep going up and up! i dunno... i think maybe i'm just letting my anxiety get the best of me and i shouldn't let it do that. just let it go for right now. deal with it tomorrow..

please put your seats in an upright position...

2006-03-27T09:09:00.000-06:00

so i have been checking flights to go to europe for about two weeks now... i know all the airport codes associated with anywhere i am possibly staying/laying over.. lemme show you:

houston international: iah
krakow: krk
madrid: mad
athens: ath
valencia: vlc
warsaw: wro
reynosa: rex

ok, reynosa is def. not in europe but i may fly there instead of mcallen to get home. :P

good times

2006-03-23T23:16:00.000-06:00

tonight was a lot of fun! i had dinner with marvelous people... norma, karoly, amanda, fernando, brandie, and last but not least jonboy :*

things and stories worthy of rememberance:
norma being put in a cage on the bridge
lucas and tamarindo candy - no one understands but valley ppl
amanda and fernando making out (haha j/k)
chongers/cholos/fresas and making sure everyone understood
my big mouth (I think this deserves it's own category!)
fernando, his whole freaking family, and even random ppl getting rides on the bridge
i think jon is now an honorary hispanic
and many more little things that make an evening great!

whoop for good friends and much laughter!

hmm

2006-03-23T11:05:00.000-06:00

i've realized i have this subtle, but important, problem. I like people to be a certain way in certain siutations. i want them to say certain things, do certain things. and i've come to realize that maybe wanting things that way is not ok. but there is always a fine line for me between what is ok to suggest to someone and what is beyond your authority to suggest. because i always think my ways are the best, but i need to realize that maybe they're not for that person. the situation can then become akward because people start doing what i want from them, not because they want to but because i have asked them to.

scc help desk sucks!

2006-03-22T19:53:00.000-06:00

since the help desk at the scc can't possibly lift a finger to help ppl who call in i will give yall a tip i found out from michelle. www.primopdf.com is a free pdf converter that will change your OneNote documents (and other things) that the SCC doesn't have programs of so you can print them there and use your already paid for print outs!

you're welcome.

el mexicano

2006-03-19T22:43:00.000-06:00

this is my favorite picture of jonathan so far.. mostly because he looks so happy to be next to that huge bottle of liquor. we went to mex for a day during spring break and we found this at a liquor store. jon thought it was the most amazing thing ever. haha..

other things we did: went to the beach where he buried me and turned me into a cello made out of sand.. went to the mercedes livestock show and carnival. everything for a prize at the midway was UT stuff.. ahhhh it got really annoying after a while. a couple of places only had t.u. prizes.. back in dallas we ate really good cheesefries at this place called snuffer's.. had steak at his brother's house. we also slept till 3pm there too! <-- prolly my favorite part of the whoooollleee break!

Flight 93

2006-03-09T12:54:00.000-06:00

i have been looking at websites concerning the infamous Flight 93 that crashed somewhere in Pennsylvania on September 11, 2003. the one above and www.unitedheroes.com are both good. There is supposed to be a movie about that plane on that day coming out this year i believe. I don't know if I'm excited to see it but I probably will.

bumps on my skin
my throat tightens
my heart gets heavy
i remember.

it's hard to remember that day, and i can't believe it's already been almost five years since then.

a big round of applause

2006-03-06T12:47:00.000-06:00

to YOU!

specifically, to the person who dropped their glass ranch bottle in the parking lot outside DG and left it there. It smelled really good! especially when my bf drove over it and it got stuck on his tire ...... and the broken glass ripped open his tire too!

wait.. the best part is that it happened at 2AM today. a BIG thanks to the internet, which helped us find the nearest Discount Tire place in like a minute so that he could get there before all the air leaked out.

well, to look on the bright side i did get a better parking spot after picking up jon at the tire place and coming back to my dorm to sleep aka 3am.

(btw, jon picked up all the glass so that no one else would have to go thru what we did. hint hint to the person who left it there: that's what YOU should have done)

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

2006-03-05T20:32:00.000-06:00

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

*****

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only You can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

*****

The rest is still unwritten

you lie!

2006-03-03T08:32:00.000-06:00

this is why i hope to never have to run for office, it explains my general distaste for policiticians, and also shows why i never believe a word they say in front of a camera...

*sigh

Safety in 2006+

2006-03-01T13:33:00.000-06:00

Pretty much everyone I know has heard this quote, which is often attributed to good ol' Ben Franklin:

"He who would trade liberty for some temporary security, deserves neither liberty nor security."

I felt I had to repeat it again, however, because it is so true. I understand Denmark's intentions; I understand that people must be able to be recognized and that burqas can be seen as an afront on women's rights. Personally, I don't want to live in a country where women are allowed to wear those kinds of clothes. I think it sends the wrong message. Terrorism is a big time player all around the world in 2006. Everyone wants to feel as secure as possible so that citizens and business interests continue to flourish. Safety is the number 1 priority.

I have to take the side with the "opposition" on this issue, however, because I am trying to look at this obejectively. These laws are targeting specific clothing of a specific religion - the same way the Nazi's targeted the Jews in the initial stages of WWII. Or heck, even during the Holocaust people were exterminated on the size of their nose and other physical features. What kind of message are we sending when the government says certain customs of dress are prohibited?

I think Danish lawmakers could have been a little more prudent with the wording of the laws so that fully-covered bodies in general would have been banned. This way the ban applies to everyone in a general sense, not just Muslims. Do they think this will mitigate tensions between Muslims and the Western world at all? What is the role of government in protecting "women's rights" when it concerns religion? I guess one example of this in the United States is the government's restriction on polygamy (but lemme tell you, it still happens in some backwards, rural towns of Utah). I guess maybe from that point of view each State has its own right to make laws for its own country.

But what if I were in a similar situation as burqa-wearing Muslims are right now? Would I want my rights of expression protected? Would the passage of this law be opening the door to other restrictions of my rights?

This is obviously a complex and sensitive situation. I just hope that policymakers are giving it the careful attention it deserves and not making rash decisions.

curiously... ?

2006-02-28T22:40:00.000-06:00

i have this amazing power that i haven't actually used in a while. i've developed it over the past three years. it's the one where i can step inside of myself and close out everything and everyone else. i can put up this wall that keeps other people out and keeps myself in. i had this rush of emotions tonight at breakaway. not necessarily because of what was going on in there, but just like a flashback. and i got into using this amazing power and i couldn't get out. everyone was singing, people were praying - i could hear all this clearly. but, my mind was elsewhere. it was like i was in a different dimension. like i could feel jonathan rubbing my back, but i couldn't relate to that.

this power is a defense mechanism. you know when someone is just whining or talking about something that you don't want to hear and you just kinda let your eyes glaze over and tune them out? that's kinda what happens, but not quite. the wall i create only keeps out the emotional interchange or connection between myself and others, not necessarily the facts or what they're saying to me.

like i said, usually when i use this tactic i am protecting myself from more damage. someone could be yelling at me, putting me down, etc., and this is my way of protecting my self. i didn't like it this time tho. i wanted to get out of it - get out of this mood, but i couldn't. i was stuck.

did i tell you jonathan has an amazing power too (besides facial expressions ;) )? he has this skill, this talent at getting me out of bad moods.. no matter what. i don't think there has been an instance where i've had to go away and get the mopiness out by myself. and i know sometimes he isn't even trying - he is just being himself.

:*

got this from denise

2006-02-26T23:44:00.000-06:00

1. Honestly, are you happy right now? today was a pretty good day. my interviews are over. i am just kinda tired right now
2. Honestly, what color is your underwear? purple, blue, yellow, & white
3. Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? when jon is gonna get back from eating.. haha i know i'm hopeless
4. Honestly, what are you doing right now? wasting time before bed
5. Honestly, what did you do today? woke up laaate, ate at cheddar's (cheese fries!), went to the mall to cut my hair, listened to some comedian on jon's computer, watched janie's proposal on tv!, hall council stuff
6. Honestly, do you think you are attractive? yes, i think most people are attractive
7. Honestly, have you done something bad today? no lies, cheating, or stealing - i think i'm pretty good
8. Honestly, do you watch Disney Channel? i used too, but now not so much
9. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? i want a lot of things that other people have, but i really couldn't say that i'm jealous of someone.. i have to admit i have a pretty good life
10. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time? the one thing that can make me smile no matter what is hanging out and being silly with jonathan
11. Honestly, do you bite your nails? no, i used to before high school but i got so embarassed i just stopped
12. Honestly, what is your mood right now? a little tired
13. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? no, i'm such a sucker for yummy things
14. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute? of course, but in a little while i will fall asleep so i dunno if they wanna be around for that!
15. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret? yeah, you gotta realize that everyone does - i think once you realize that people become easier to relate to because they seem more human, not so "perfect"
16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now? i don't even think i know what hate really means. there are a couple of people i don't really care for right now tho, but i think i would be sad if anyone connected to me died
17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now? jonathan gives good hugs
18. Honestly, are you loyal? yes..
19. Honestly, are you in denial? i don't think so, but sometimes i fear that one day some repressed memory (that i obviously don't remember now) will just come back
20. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol? yes
21. Honestly, do you like someone? of course
22. Honestly, does anyone like you right now? i think so
23. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them? i don't think it's going any farther than where it's at for a while
24. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly? yes, isn't that the point?

2006-02-23T19:19:00.000-06:00

i feel pretty horrible right now. i'm sick, my face is breaking out, and i have a bush school interview weekend starting tomorrow! woohoo! acutally, I am pretty excited about the interviews because then I am one step closer to finding out if i get it :). that's it for now.

so sad

2006-02-15T09:11:00.000-06:00

wow. it's really hard for me to see some of that stuff. i had a class that covered some of "what happens to people during war" - as in they become consumed with the enemy and don't see them as real people and just let their hatred rule their actions. i mean, that's why there are so many more rapes by soldiers during war and other violent crimes- heck, that's one reason why the whole Holocaust happened.

but...

wow. when we studied all that stuff I have to admit that I kinda thought, "but those people are different from us, more animalistic, more barbaric" or whatever justification i made up for myself.

it just really hurts to see that kind of torture coming from Americans - possibly the most civilized nation on the planet. i mean, i'm sure lots of those soldiers have families, loved ones. they must be going through a rough time right now. hah.. not to mention those that continue to be tortured.

i guess the biggest letdown is that if we can't be civilized I find it hard to imagine that any other nation or ethnic group would turn out any different - and that really sucks.

compare!

2006-02-13T19:45:00.000-06:00

or how about this one? i like this one too. lets see if i can bring up the original so you can see the difference.

2006-02-13T19:34:00.000-06:00

In honor of Valentine's Day I made took this picture of me and Jon from his sister's wedding and played with it in Picasa. I am not sure if it is visible but there was a glow added.. among other things I did.

yay for another time wasting tool!

hmph

2006-02-07T20:08:00.000-06:00

cause of world war three? a cartoon.

psh.

world war three

2006-02-04T11:30:00.000-06:00

another

what do you think? someone was telling me about some psychics they saw on tv and one said wwIII would start this year sometime. i could totally see that happening.

i remember being young and working at this amazing summer camp, john knox ranch, and looking up at the sky and the clouds this beautiful summer day... and i thought to myself, if only every person in the world had a such a marvelous experience such as this - then ppl would realize that it's not worth it - fighting. there was so much peace that day. i felt connected to God and everyone and everything else around me.

do the people referenced in those links above ever feel that peace? i don't think they do. cause if they did, they wouldn't be doing what they're doing. and i'm not just focusing on Muslims either.. i'm talking about everyone. everyone who cheats, lies, is corrupt, is violent.. all that crap.

sometimes i am an anarchist. gov't, organized business, even interest groups can just be .. horrible and create and foster all those things that just perpetuate shitty lives for everyone. and when i'm thinking like this i get the idea to buy my own island and live there by myself and be my own government.

that would be cool if it could actually work

special request

2006-02-03T10:50:00.000-06:00

this my great idea: great, funny authors like Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus of The Nanny Diaries and Citizen Girl should start using their wit to write History textbooks.. or maybe polisci. math would be good too.
puuuhhhllleeeaaasssseeee??? it would be so much more fun to learn about the real world if it was exciting, written well, and not sleep inducing.

just a quote

2006-02-02T12:04:00.000-06:00

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies."

got it from someone else, but apparently it's from sex and the city.

whoop!

2006-02-01T14:13:00.000-06:00

Ms. Montemayor --

Our FAQ (http://bush.tamu.edu/academics/admissions/faq/) on the Bush School website gives the average test scores and GPA for admitted classes. The mean GRE scores for students entering the Bush School MPSA program in 2005 was V 521 and Q 587. We recommend you weigh your scores against the mean scores and decide whether you want to retake the GRE. Please take note that it takes three to four weeks for official scores to reach us. So, if you plan to retake the GRE you must do it very soon. Remember GRE scores are not the only factor we use to determine admission.

Office of Admissions
George Bush School of Government and Public Service

laughing

2006-01-29T20:07:00.000-06:00

so apparently jonathan commissioned my photographer friend, karoly, to take pictures of me.. and then told her not to tell me, and send the pictures to him. hmmm.. suspicious? i think, yes. conspiracy? yes, again. virgin margarita? you betcha ;)

late night

2006-01-25T00:04:00.000-06:00

as she watches him walk away she wonders if he's thinking, "crap, i knew this was too good to be true..."

as she walks up the stairs she has to remind herself that this decision is for her, not for him or anyone else. and if a person is not ok with that then that is ok too, but she doesn't have to and she shouldn't change for them.

then, when she gets to her room he calls.. and she remembers, yet again, that there is no use in worring about the unknown... that things will happen as they will, and as long as she stays true to herself she will be happy in the end.

so true

2006-01-24T12:32:00.000-06:00

good day

2006-01-23T22:47:00.000-06:00

wow.. today was a good day. as most of you prolly already know, I totally kicked butt in ballet today! i was nervous cause i hadn't danced in a really long time, and truth be told my extensions weren't all that great.. but the technique.. you can't loose that. and i have to say i had some really good teachers when i was younger that drilled technique into my brain.. albiet forcefully.. but that's another story, huh?

i also wanted to mention that i feel really fulfilled right now. my friends are great. my boyfriend is great. my friends are great. it's a nice feeling to know that people are here for you. i def. know what it feels like for it to be the opposite so i can really appreciate what good ppl i have around me! yay!

Google resists government requests

2006-01-20T09:11:00.000-06:00

Thank God! someone has the balls to resist the feds and the brains to realize they should.

ok, us gov't... i realize you want to fight crime and terrorism, or at least that's what you claim to want the info for.. but you are not allowed to take away my liberties in doing so. there are many other ways to fight crime that are within your constitutional powers.

k, I am a junior pols major.. but let's see what I can come up with... here I go:

increase education.. cause educated people usually understand the gravity of the consequences of crime, and plus, they usually have a job and can afford what they want anyways
increase help to the needy and poor... not handouts.. but opportunities for education and jobs. make sure they don't go hungry so they don't have to go into criminal actitivities to survive.
try not to piss off all the other countries.. sincerely help them out when they need it for the sake of helping them out, not merely for our own interests. then, countries will not have a reason to hate us so much.

ok, obviously this is short and unelaborated.. but comeon.. i came up with this at 9am while still in my robe.. i would hope the bush administration could do better.

but wait.. maybe they've thought about this and are purposely choosing to follow other means.. now, that's something to think about for the next election.

hmm

2006-01-19T15:42:00.000-06:00

so.. i've kind of realized that more people read this than i thought. but, i'll try to pretend that they don't so this will continue to be a place where i can say whatever i want. haha.. like i usually don't speak my mind anyways, but whatever. :D

2006-01-18T10:32:00.000-06:00

i will marry the man who brings me flowers often.

school begins

2006-01-16T23:18:00.000-06:00

another semester is about to begin. i don't think i posted about this before but my resolutions for this school year are:

keep my room clean
floss daily
do some hw every day
procrastinate less
act more confidently

tada!

2006-01-11T11:44:00.000-06:00

thanks to..

meagan
dalia
vanessa
ashley
tommy
beth
laura

email

2006-01-11T11:43:00.000-06:00

Dr. Resch,

My dad earmarked the cover story of the October 31, 2005 issue of TIME magazine for me to read over this break. It's basically how private corporations are backing out of their pension contracts with employees, declaring bankruptcy, but also how CEOs are still getting millions in benefits. I didn't get two or three pages into the article before I started to cry out of frustration, both for the people in the article and for myself and my future as well. It just seems that during this past semester the unfair practices of those in power (public and private sectors) keeps being brought to my attention, both through history and through current news outlets.

The most frustrating part about this whole situation is that I feel that I feel there is nothing I can do to change the way things are. What do YOU do? Is this all really inevitable? Do you know of any organizations who are committed (in a classy way) to actively trying to change this?Thanks in advance.

--
~Victoria Montemayor

take that!

2006-01-11T00:56:00.000-06:00

k i dunno why it looks weird but here it is.

The Ideal
You're finished! You scored 30% YAY!

You're a little of column A, and a little of column B. You seem to understand how to show your love for someone without smothering them. You are fairly confident in yourself and your people skills, and could be, dare I say, intelligent. All of which are signs of an ideal mate. Hopefully you will meet someone who you will be very happy with someday, if you haven't already. Hmm... actually if you haven't met that someone already, maybe you should message me...

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 47% on clingpoints

Link: The Clingy Test written by feelingroovy on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

2006-01-08T13:52:00.000-06:00

i saw a friend's blog today. it made me feel better about my last entry. i think it's natural for people to change when they go to college. then, when you come back.. everything in your hometown is still the same. this is what makes me feel alone here. makes me feel like i don't fit it. it's true. i've grown. this place hasn't and neither have the ppl here.

por fin.

day

2006-01-07T21:36:00.000-06:00

saw the latino comedy project tonight. pretty funny. especially the skit about Bush. those are always funny.

i have a hard time with people.. i find it hard to be conversational. i want to make a good impression but sometimes i feel like i just come off as a weirdo. it makes me nervous. do you ever hate the way you are? hate the way your mind works and how it manifests its thoughts into your actions?
i do.
sometimes i just wish i was someone else. someone cooler. with more friends. someone that people liked to hang out with and that people wanted to call as soon as they got in town.
but i'm not.
i'm more the person who will stay in touch with a few people. people i feel comfortable with. people who i know know who i am.
it sucks cause i think the people i used to hang out with down here only hung out with me cause of my exbf. cause now when i contact them... i dunno. and none of them called when we broke up either.

some days you just gotta get thru that day and not worry about anything further ahead than that.

new year's resolutions

2006-01-06T16:43:00.000-06:00

just some of what i've been thinking of for the past few days.. may be updated later

be better to myself
tell the truth often (i think i'm pretty good at this one so far aka "yeah, i thought you were gay")
limit procrastination
love more
reduce my critcism of others
be a better gift giver
exercise more (that's me skiing btw, getting a head start on the whole exercise thing ;)

that's it.

badass

2005-12-30T23:27:00.000-06:00

wow. it's amazing how the u.s. thinks it is just such a badass and can do whatever the hell it wants to. you'd think as a world power.. the world superpower that the US would try and, you know, be a good example or something.. but you know what? it is just better to walk out of all major world conferences or agreements and fuck the rest of the world, right? it's just semi-amusing to me cause i know my kids or grandkids or something are gonna ask me someday, "grandma victoria, why was your generation of american politics so stupid?" the only un-amusing part is gonna be my answer.

facebook

2005-12-22T12:37:00.000-06:00

for those of my friends who don't have facebook (mainly just jonathan and wes) here you go:
http://facebook.com/p.php?id=8301723&l=a8eaeb41e4

my favorite song

2005-12-21T10:23:00.000-06:00

Diego Torres - Color Esperanza

Se que hay en tus ojos con solo mirar
que estas cansado de andar y de andar
y caminar, girando siempre en un lugar

Se que las ventanas se pueden abrir
cambiar el aire depende de ti
te ayudar, vale la pena una vez mas

Saber que se puede, querer que se pueda
Quitarse los miedos, sacarlos afuera
pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazon

Es mejor perderse que nunca embarcar
mejor tentarse a dejar de intentar
aunque ya ves que no es tan facil empezar

Se que lo imposible se puede lograr
que la tristeza algun da se ir
y asi ser, la vida cambia y cambiara

Sentiras que el alma vuela
por cantar una vez mas

Saber que se puede querer que se pueda
quitarse los miedos, sacarlos afuera
pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazon

Saber que se puede querer que se pueda
quitarse los miedos, sacarlos afuera
pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazon

Vale mas poder brillar
que solo buscar ver el sol

Pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazon

Saber que se puede...
Querer que se pueda...

Pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazon

colorquiz.com

2005-12-20T19:41:00.000-06:00

results from colorquiz.com:

Your Existing Situation
Easily affected by her environment and readily moved by the emotions of others. Seeks congenial relationships and an occupation which will promote them.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.
The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective
Needs to feel identified with someone or something and wishes to win support by her charm and amiability. Sentimental and yearns for a romantic tenderness.

Your Actual Problem
Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality.

^-- "actual problem" so true... i find myself feeling that all the time.

post secret

2005-12-20T19:16:00.000-06:00

saw this on cnn actually.. but is a really interesting idea. dunno what i would send in or if i would. did anyone already know about this?

postsecret

gift cards

2005-12-19T20:11:00.000-06:00

so what's the deal with all the gift card commercials this year? let's see, i've seen ones for walmart, jcpenney, kohls, old navy, outback. they're not even commercials for real presents.. just plastic cards with money attached. hey, i'm not complaining about cards with money in general.. but come onnn, a mcdonald's gift card that you can use for "good food and good times"? when does going to mcdonalds include good times? good memories? i can see it now:

here's a gift card from mcdonalds, dear. I didn't have time to really think about you so i got you this. you can use it whenever you want and buy whatever greasy thing you'd like.

by saying i can eat here, honey, is it your way of saying i'm not fat? oh! john! how romantic! i love you!

eh. enough!

better

2005-12-18T13:31:00.000-06:00

i went to sleep last night and woke up feeling much better then yesterday. it was just one of those days that you start thinking about something sad and it just doesn't leave you. and then you'll be watching a movie that isn't all that sad but since your emotions are all out of whack you still cry. ever have days like that?

well at least most of my laundry is finished. i still need to work on my study abroad applications.. just can't muster up the energy to do that tho. but i'll get to it sometime today. :P

2005-12-17T18:25:00.000-06:00

i dunno why i am being such a baby right now.. but i miss jonathan a lot. i feel like crying. and it's only been like two days. i can't imagine 25 more days of this. and i feel like such a loser because i don't think he feels this way at all.

mexican citizenship

2005-12-17T08:58:00.000-06:00

i will be getting my mexican citizenship over the break (hopefully). since my dad is a native born, mexican I have the opportunity to have dual citizenship. at the time of the ceremony, however, i will need to have two witnesses... which brings me to another point...

i feel so lonely here at home. i feel like i have no friends here anymore. my dad made me make this list of ppl i could hang out with here at home.. but i haven't called a single person. i don't know if i ever will. i am just too embarassed. it feels like the anxiety. i miss jon a lot too. i am beginning to see how hard it is to be away from someone you love. i just keep thinking: this is how it will be if yall are still together when he goes off to the army. not fun.

we'll see if i get up the nerve to call some friends today. :P